I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize