i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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