i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
