Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
