There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize