I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
