You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
