I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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