I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I did not marry a roomba.
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