I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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