the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
