i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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