I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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