Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
