Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
