Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
