dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
