No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
