I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
