Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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