If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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