Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
