yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Fuck appropriateness.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
