I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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