Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
