I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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