i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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