I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize