I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
