I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
