3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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