paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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