i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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