I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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