Screwed.edu
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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