He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
