you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
