So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
