dude i'm inner monologue high
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
