Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
