It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
