Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize