nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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