I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize