fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
