this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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