Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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