I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
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