Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
