i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
