Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
