if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
