Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
