Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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