I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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