girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I would ride that face into the sunset
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
