are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Your penis caused this!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
