you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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