I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
