I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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