Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
