Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
