Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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