Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It's just like the Real World with babies
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
