So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize