HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
