I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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