I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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