I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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