just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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