We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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