a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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