That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I need water and some morals
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
