did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
