Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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