im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I've blown a few things in my day
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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