is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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