i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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