Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
